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[Wednesday
31.12.08 @ 11:45pm] |
it's 15 minutes until 2009.
i just wanted to post because i haven't written on this in over a year and my OCD would consume me if i hadn't posted once in 2008...because i've been on this shit since '04.
so even though no one will read this, this is for me.
i miss lj, and i'm probably going to start up again...it's actually one of my new year's resolutions.
but i'm gonna create a new username and just start from scratch again, i think it's for the best.
hotdivo95, you've served me well, and i'll definitely come back and read you and laugh at all the silly shit i believed when i was younger.
peace.
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[Wednesday
26.12.07 @ 11:44pm] |
NO ONE WRITES ON THIS BITCH ANYMORE.
it's discouraging =\
happy kwanzaa <3
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[Sunday
9.9.07 @ 11:02pm] |
Last night I thought Brookhaven Hamlet was Africa
And I danced and clapped and stomped down a dirt path
An aisle in the middle of tall grass and wild shrubs
Last night I thought music was sex
And mistook bass licks for undulating waves of passion
Deep, thick chords resounded throughout my entire body
Last night I thought the CVS parking lot was Lincoln Center
And executed grandé tour jetés that hovered in the warm air
Leaving a perplexed gentleman sitting in his car completely unnoticed
Senior year doesn't seem very promising.
But at least I can always count on the weekends.
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[Sunday
26.8.07 @ 1:37am] |
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It's funny how freshman year I fought so hard not to move down here, and now that I'm here as almost a senior...part of me has fallen in love with Atlanta. I could have such a good life down here...my mom could have such a good life. I'm pretty much on the brink of tears right now. Part of me feels terrible for being such a baby and wanting to stay on Long Island two years ago...because I feel like I denied her a better life. There are so many people down here who care about us, who care about her. Now I find myself wondering what it would've been like if I had just agreed to move...would I be a better person, would I be a happier person...This sounds awful, but a good part of me doesn't want to go home tomorrow...then again, as a kid I never wanted to go home either...but I just feel like this is something deeper. I feel disconnected from Long Island now...I don't know...people have changed, and I've changed...and it just doesn't mesh...I'm over it. I feel like freshman year I had so many reasons to stay, but now one big reason is gone, and others are just...ehhh. I feel like it's becoming harder and harder to think of good solid reasons. I've had so much fun with the people I love this week, it's ridiculous. And now I'm going home to my small house, that's worth the same as a house twice it's size in Atlanta...to be there for my mom as she goes through a divorce...my mom who's pretty much isolated because most of her family is down here. Ugh. Anyway, as soon as possible, I'm coming back...and I know my mom's definitely going to end up moving here when I graduate. The question is...will I ultimately follow and go to school there...or will I stay up here for school and follow my dream of being a city theatre girl...I really don't know...but I do know my mom had a point when she said, "No matter where you go...New York isn't going anywhere."
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[Monday
13.8.07 @ 12:48am] |
Can I just say?
That this weekend was absolutely amazing.
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| Things I need in my life right now: |
[Sunday
5.8.07 @ 8:27pm] |
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music |
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Sunday Morning - Maroon 5 |
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Yeah I'm too obnoxious to use an lj-cut.
This sexy ass microwave from Target.
Thanks to this baby right here, I've decided that when I get my own place, my kitchen will be red.
My only fear is that I'll get so turned on I'll just end up having sex in it all the time and never cook anything...sigh.
A Maltipoo.
Maltese + Poodle = Maltipoo!
I've been really puppy-obsessed lately.
Boyfriend Jeans.
They're hot. Plus, I gotta look good while I'm cooking hotdogs for me and my maltipoo using my sexy ass microwave.
There are several things I could elaborate on, but I'm lazy, not sure if this entry will even be read, and being terse is just way too enticing.
My dad got drunk and pelted a kid with water balloons last night...she flipped him the bird. She was 9.
I'm leaving for Atlanta in exactly two weeks all by myself and I'm psyched.
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[Sunday
22.7.07 @ 1:18am] |
Today was the best day ever. Seriously.
And I'll just leave it at that...
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[Saturday
7.7.07 @ 9:17pm] |
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Considering how I'm pretty much the youngest out of all my friends, and also considering how I still have yet to take driver's ed, I've always worried about having to get to places by myself without being a burden on my mom, or my friends who drive.
Well, I've discovered a solution: my bike.
Today I rode my bike to and from Karen's house. Now if you know where Karen lives, and if you know where I live, that is quite an accomplishment. Riding my bike through North Bellport is an accomplishment all in itself, especially on the way back because it was dark. I pretty much did it in 20 minutes, which isn't that bad at all.
Sooo yeah I'm pretty much riding my bike all summer. I'm psyched. And I'm gonna be super toned by the fall. Schweeet.
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[Thursday
21.6.07 @ 1:25pm] |
I scored higher than Alex Dulmovits on the SATS.
BAM.
Our 4th grade rivalry is finally over. lmao.
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[Thursday
31.5.07 @ 11:56pm] |
mmm, soo quick update on my life.
i've changed my hair more times in the past month than i have in my entire life.
i have a job that i love at step in time, the dance store next to stage door.
my room is a disgrace.
i saw shrek 3 and laughed...and cried too.
and i realized that i'm not the same person i was a year ago, which is scary because i thought the same thing a year ago.
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| Cotillion |
[Sunday
15.4.07 @ 4:22pm] |
this has been the best, most craziest, insane weekend ever.
friday was amazing, and saturday was sooo nice.
and i'm gonna miss it. :(
i hate school, where's summer?
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[Saturday
7.4.07 @ 1:22am] |
i knew i shouldn't have thought about it, but i did. and now i have this sinking, terrible feeling.
guh. that was a dumb choice.
you know what i miss? love. real love.
or at least a pretty boy who gave me butterflies.
i've yet to encounter neither in the longest time.
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[Friday
6.4.07 @ 12:40pm] |
wow! i haven't updated in AGES!!
booooooooooooooop.
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[Monday
19.2.07 @ 11:34pm] |
can i just say something?
i'm really really glad we're friends. again.
i love it.
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[Wednesday
14.2.07 @ 12:56am] |
"Rules: Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks."
1. As much as I love doing it, acting can be really hard for me sometimes. Well, not the actual acting part, but I have to work really hard to enunciate all of my words and say them clearly and slowly because I naturally talk really really fast. I also hate it when I'm talking in a conversation and people are like, "slow down!" or "what????" even though I know I'm talking too fast.
2. I'm naturally just a messy person. My room is rarely ever completely clean, and I'm ok with that. I like to call it an "organized mess."
3. I'm starting to notice an increasingly more tomboyish, spunky side of myself...although there are definitely some parts of me that are girly in a sense...but even in the way I prefer to dress, I really dig almost androgynous looks...like boyish touches with a feminine twist, like form fitting vests, and tailored shorts, and those plaid/checkered button downs. But I still loveeee dressing up and looking pretty. I'm in a definite limbo between tomboyness and girlyness.
4. Whenever I listen to music on the bus in the morning I like to choreograph dances to go with whatever song I'm listening to. Then I get really mad because I can't get up and dance what I'm thinking because well...I'm on a bus.
5. I honestly think I have a mild form of narcolepsy...well, I think I suffer from a combination of insomnia and narcolepsy. No matter how much or how little homework I have or what's going on, it's really hard for me to go to bed at a decent hour. And then at school and sometimes even other places, I'll end up feeling really really tired and I'll fall asleep. It's really bad.
6. Basically my whole family is pushing me to pursue my college education at Spelman College, a prestigious, predominantly black, all women college in Atlanta Georgia., because my Grandfather works for the President and could get me in with no problem, and for a lower price. I have no desire to do so because I want to major in Theatre at a school that well...has a good theatre program...plus, i love the north....and boys....and white people. But, I really don't know how to tell them the whole, boy/white people loving part.
7. The two things that make me think of boys I've had in my life the most are scent and music. There are soooo many songs on my playlist that I can tie to a guy, and it gets me really annoyed when other boys wear scents that I associate with certain guys.
8. I hate the phone with a passion. Seriously, if I ever call you, ever, feel honored because that means you're pretty darn special in my book.
9. I can't wait until college so I can actually spend my time studying and doing things that interest me. A lot of the time I feel as if my high school education is a huge waste of time and won't benefit me at all in the long run.
10. As lame as it sounds, one of my favorite party games is still spin the bottle. I remember playing it for the first time at one of my first "big kid" parties in sixth grade and feeling like such a badass because could feel Dan Aragona's braces when we kissed.
I'll tag people tomorrow, lol. I'm tiredddd.
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[Wednesday
7.2.07 @ 12:30am] |
Wow, I haven't updated in a whiiiiile.
Basically, my life right now is Godspell. It's save to say I'm in love with it, and cannot WAIT until this Friday! It's going to be amazing, and I just...love it, a lot. A lot a lot. I love the cast, I love Fanny, I love D and Uzzi, and I love Brendan, Chris, and DBraggs...they're my boys, and they like to write songs about me and Mountain Dew. Basically, Godspell = Love. Gay, but extremely true.
Report cards are coming out any day now and I'm going to die.
I need to learn how to drive man.
I need a new job, Cotillion is approaching and I want to look hot.
I'm currently obsessed with the movie "Amadeus" and might have a slight crush on Mozart....I'm trying to figure out if the crush is on the actual Mozart, or the actor who plays him in the movie...it's a really tough call.
"If I told you I could really use you right now, what would you say? I mean...well, not really use...but need...like, if I told you I needed you sleeping next to me...what would you say? Would you be interested? It's really comforting and comfortable, sleeping beside someone...being intertwined with someone..."
You really should just ask me out already.
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[Wednesday
3.1.07 @ 11:18pm] |
Hello 2007.
New Year's Resolution: To acquire love and security.
So today I was talking about how I'm a shoe-in for hella scholarships and colleges because I'm the whitest black person ever and I had Mrs. Fandale cracking up.
I miss my Dad...which is something I never really thought I'd say. Maybe I just feel this way because I only see him once a week, twice a the most...so we don't have much time to fight, but I love him a lot and really wish he'd come home. It's really odd saying that he lives in the city...then again, I really don't talk about it.
I can't wait until I graduate...I'm so over this high school scene. Like...really? Please, just drop me off in Manhattan so I can start my real life...k? Thanks.
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[Sunday
31.12.06 @ 11:03pm] |
There's nothing like kicking in the new year by getting the number of one of the hottest guys at Target.
I hope 2007 has something to do with Craig...hahaha.
CAP wants me to be in 42nd Street and All Shook Up...but honestly...I can't, as much as I'd love to. I really should focus on things like....school...and work, things I haven't really focused on in a while because of shows. I am however, seriously considering taking acting classes at Gateway because being in A Christmas Carol made this the best Christmas ever...and I can't imagine not seeing such amazing people until the summer. Oh! And Godspell opens next month...remember that Devin? The show at your school that you're kinda in but never really went to the rehearsals for? True...
Having my own money is awesome...but there's just so much I'm supposed to do with it. Like....pay for half of driver's ed, an upcoming trip to Vermont, save up for Cotillion....and still have some to actually treat myself with. Money's crazy.
This entry was a snoozefest. Happy new year everyone.
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[Sunday
31.12.06 @ 11:45am] |
It's over.
And I'm kinda down right now.
Plus, I have work in an hour.
And school in two days. Eww.
Ughhhhh...
"Gather and sing of this glorious thing..."
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| wow, this turned out to be some random shit. |
[Tuesday
19.12.06 @ 11:02pm] |
So I'm sitting here in pjs less than an hour after being onstage with the greatest people ever after being told that i don't have to go to school tomorrow because i have to be onstage with the greatest people ever twice anyway while drinking a chocolate milkshake that i got with the only girl i know who's as crazy as me.
:::inhales:::
yeah, i'm in a happy place.
yesterday, i was a big girl and cashed my paycheck, got my driver's permit, and opened up a new bank account all in one day.
i think when i graduate and move out to the city i'm going to come back and do at least one show at gateway so i can ride and/or drive the short bus to and from patchogue theatre. that's a new goal of mine.
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[Saturday
16.12.06 @ 12:26am] |
soooo caleb is kinda the love of my life.
i'm obessed. this is really bad.
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[Friday
8.12.06 @ 12:15am] |
My life is ridiculously busy right now.
Like, it's well...ridiculous.
School.
Dance.
Work.
Christmas Carol.
and now...Godspell.
and sometimes, all of this shit happens on the same day.
yeah don't ask how I manage to do it....I just do.
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[Monday
27.11.06 @ 1:16am] |
last night, my dancer girls lindsay, dee, alexa, and anatalia threw me a suprise sweet 16. melanie and emily even came. it was cutest, sweetest thing ever.
i walk in, as lindsay's mom tells me that everyone went out to go pick up the pizza, and everyone comes jumping out at me yelling "SUPRISE!!"
i didn't get it, i thought they meant suprise as in "suprise! we really didn't go get pizza! we tricked you!!" and i was also confused because it feels like my birthday was a year ago. and then i noticed the cake and the presents and the sweet sixteen decorations, and they were like "it's your suprise sweet 16!" and i started crying. i've never had a suprise party before, and the fact that they took the time and everything to do that for me meant so much. it was the most adorable thing ever. they knew the reason why i didn't really have anything celebrating my birthday, and last night just really brightened me up. i love those girls. they're one of the reasons why i love to dance.
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| Get Ready. |
[Sunday
19.11.06 @ 2:18am] |
So, I was thinking...randomly...
Based on news reports, rumors, and cold hard facts.
I predict for you the Top 4 greatest comebacks of 2007. And possibly, of all time.
4) Eminem
3) Britney Spears
2) Whitney Houston
1) Michael Jackson.
i can't fucking wait. ahh i've missed them all.
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[Sunday
19.11.06 @ 1:33am] |
things i've learned from being a cashier at target:
- people buy the weirdest things. haha! omg today this little girl, no more than 6, had a temper tantrum because her mom wouldn't buy her a vibrator. well, a vibrating massager (those things with the "legs") but really everyone uses them as well, vibrators. her mom was like "sweetie, no! what are people going to think when they see that?!" and she was like "but mommy, it tickles!!" and her mom was just like, 0___0. it was great.
- british people really are the best ones to ring up. today a british woman and her american husband, along with their adorable daughter, probably about 7, came to my register. we had the best conversation, and the woman was completely in love with my name.
- i have a really nice smile, and it makes people happy.
- you will come home every night with numerous papercuts. owie, fuckin' receipts.
things i've learned from being in NYSCAME
- there are a lot of gorgeous, straight boys there. so yeah, it was a very good time.
another thing i learned tonight, which came to quite a suprise, was that kenny mcaleese is a riot on the dancefloor. we went to a sweet 16 18 tonight, and at first he was a wallflower...so i like drug him out onto the dancefloor and forced him to move. after a while, i showed him some stuff, and he was bustin out with the shoulder lean and doing the motorbike thing from "it's going down." thennn some jt came on and he started doing these sick isolations...seriously omg, it was sick. but then, it was also kenny so i like, died. we tried to videotape it, but then he saw and was like AHH. so yeah...unfortunately this amazing event isn't documented.
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